If Sex Is A Pain In The

I Got My First Break And Became A Singing Waiter At Eighteen Or Nineteen. I Couldn't Make A Living At It. I Quit. Then I Got Married And Sold Aluminum Siding. My Wife Had Problems Physically. It Was Not Good.

I'll Tell Ya, My Wife And I, We Don't Think Alike. She Donates Money To The Homeless, And I Donate Money To The Topless!

It's Great To Have Gray Hair. Ask Anyone Who's Bald.

When I Was Born The Doctor Took One Look At My Face, Turned Me Over And Said, "look, Twins!"

If You Can't Write Your Own Material, You Have Very Little Chance Of Making It As A Comedian.