I Once Had A Problem ... So

My Wife Is Always Trying To Get Rid Of Me. The Other Day She Told Me To Put The Garbage Out. I Said To Her I Already Did. She Told Me To Go And Keep An Eye On It.

My Wife Has To Be The Worst Cook. I Don't Believe Meatloaf Should Glow In The Dark

I Was So Ugly My Parents Had To Hang A Pork Chop Around My Neck To Get The Dog To Play With Me.

If It Wasn't For Pick-pockets I'd Have No Sex Life At All.

When I Was Born ... The Doctor Came Out To The Waiting Room And Said To My Father ... I'm Very Sorry. We Did Everything We Could ... But He Pulled Through.