I Certainly Do Not Drink All The

I Never Drank Anything Stronger Than Beer Before I Was Twelve.

Now Don't Say You Can't Swear Off Drinking; It's Easy. I've Done It A Thousand Times.

I Spent Half My Money On Gambling, Alcohol And Wild Women. The Other Half I Wasted.

I Personally Stay Away From Natural Foods. At My Age I Need All The Preservatives I Can Get.

I Think Of The Church Often. Not Because Religion Was Closing In On Me, But Because For A Long Time My Ass Was Sore From That Hard, Unupholstered Pew.