I Spent Half My Money On Gambling,

I Don't Have To Attend Every Argument I'm Invited To.

I Don't Drink Anymore, On The Other Hand I Don't Drink Any Less Either.

In Every Big City There Is Always One Surefire Laugh, And That Lies In Hanging Some Piece Of Idiocy Upon The People Of A Nearby City Or Town.

No Man Is Boss In His Own Home, But He Can Make Up For It, He Thinks, By Making A Dog Play Dead.

The First Thing Any Comedian Does On Getting An Unscheduled Laugh Is To Verify The State Of His .