When I Was A Kid I Got

I'm A Downer. I've Been Depressed My Whole Life. Figure It Out.

My Wife Only Has Sex With Me For A Purpose. Last Night It Was To Time An Egg.

My Wife Met Me At The Door The Other Night In A Sexy Negligee. Unfortunately, She Was Just Coming Home.

My Psychiatrist Told Me I Was Crazy And I Said I Want A Second Opinion. He Said Okay, You're Ugly Too.

Everyone Says That Looks Don't Matter, Age Doesn't Matter, Money Doesn't Matter. But I Never Met A Girl Yet Who Has Fallen In Love With An Old Ugly Man Who's Broke.