What A Dog I Got, His Favorite

I Shouldn't Tell Jokes About My Wife. She's Attached To A Machine That Keeps Her Alive... The Refrigerator.

One Night She Told Me To Put Out The Garbage. I Told Her "you Cooked It, You Take It Out".

My Mother Never Breast Fed Me, She Told Me She Only Liked Me As A Friend.

When I Got Back Into Show Business In 1961, I Felt - For Obvious Reasons - That Nothing In My Life Went Right, And I Realized That Millions Of People Felt The Same Way. So When I First Came Back My Catch Phrase Was "nothing Goes Right." Early On, That Was My Setup For A Lot Of Jokes.

Don't Talk About Yourself So Much...we'll Do That When You Leave.