The Three Drunkest Cities In America: Fresno,

I Got Sober. I Stopped Killing Myself With Alcohol. I Began To Think: 'wait A Minute - If I Can Stop Doing This, What Are The Possibilities?' And Slowly It Dawned On Me That It Was Maybe Worth The Risk.

Thank Heaven Election Day Is Over. No More Campaign Ads, No More Mud-slinging, No More Candidates Pretending They're Straight. It's Over!

The U.s. Senate Is Considering A Bill That Would Tax Botox. When Botox Users Heard This, They Were Horrified. Well, I Think They Were Horrified. It's Difficult To Tell.

You Clap. The Censor Wakes Up. We All Get Into Trouble.

I Think I'll Be Scottish In Every Movie I Write. They Always Try To Talk Me Out Of It, But Woody Allen Is Always A Nebbish New Yorker. Why Shouldn't I Be A Goofy Glaswegian?