I Think I'll Be Scottish In Every

I Didn't Flee A Dictator Or Swim An Ocean To Be An American Like Some Do. I Just Thought Long And Hard About It.

My Father Had A Very Unusual Psychic Ability, He Could Detect Water. It's Called Divining. He Would Use A Y-shaped U-branch, And He Could Find Water With That, Which Is A Very Impressive Skill In A Country Where It Rains 365 Days Of The Year.

I Said That The Only Way I Could Have A Band That Would Work In The Format Of My Show Is If The Band Were Crap. So If I Have A Band They'd Have To Really Suck.

The Term Big Brother Is From George Orwell's Book 1984 - Where Everyone's Watched Over By A Network Of Cameras Called Big Brother. I've Never Understood Why Orwell Chose That Phrase For Somebody Watching You All The Time. Isn't That More Like Creepy Uncle?

I'm A Terrible Interviewer. I'm Not A Journalist - Although I Have A Peabody Award - And I'm Not Really A Late-night Host. What I Am Is Honest.