On The Whole I Woke Up In

Just When You Think There's Nothing To Write About, Nixon Says, "i Am Not A Crook." Jimmy Carter Says, "i Have Lusted After Women In My Heart." President Reagan Says, "i Have Just Taken A Urinalysis Test, And I Am Not On Dope."

I Became A Hero To Everyone Because I Didn't Take Dialysis And Was Still Alive.

While My Friends Were Discussing Pearl Harbor As The Country's Problem, I Took It Personally. It Dawned On Me That The Japanese Attack Could Be My Ticket Out Of High School.

A Bad Liver Is To A Frenchman What A Nervous Breakdown Is To An American. Everyone Has Had One And Everyone Wants To Talk About It.

The Best Way To Clean Up A Son's Room Is To Close The Door And Pretend It's Not Part Of The House.