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I Know It's Very Egocentric To Believe That Someone Is Put On Earth For A Reason. In My Case, I Like To Think I Was.

This Is A Wonderful Way To Celebrate An 80th Birthday... I Wanted To Be 65 Again, But They Wouldn't Let Me - Homeland Security.

Every Time You Think Television Has Hit Its Lowest Ebb, A New Program Comes Along To Make You Wonder Where You Thought The Ebb Was.

Writing Humor In My Column Isn't As Dangerous As Performing It. If I Fail In Front Of A Live Audience, The Humiliation Is As Great As Anything A Human Being Can Suffer.

I Can Now Say Without Hesitation The Marine Corps Was The Best Foster Home I Ever Had.