My Wife And I Keep Fighting About

Look Out For Number One And Try Not To Step In Number Two.

I'm At An Age Where I Think More About Food Than I Do About Sex. Last Week I Put A Mirror Over My Dining Room Table.

With My Dog I Don't Get No Respect. He Keeps Barking At The Front Door. He Don't Want To Go Out. He Wants Me To Leave.

When I Was Born I Was So Ugly The Doctor Slapped My Mother.

If You Can't Write Your Own Material, You Have Very Little Chance Of Making It As A Comedian.