I Was The Last Girl In Larchmont,

I'm No Cook. When I Want Lemon On Chicken, I Spray It With Pledge.

I Was So Flat I Used To Put Xs On My Chest And Write, 'you Are Here.' I Wore Angora Sweaters Just So The Guys Would Have Something To Pet.

I Don't Think There'd Be A Tina Fey Now If I Hadn't Tried To Look Good In The Beginning.

It's So Long Since I've Had Sex I've Forgotten Who Ties Up Who.

Having My Daughter, I Screamed For Twenty-three Hours Straight. And That Was Just During Conception.