You Can't Help Getting Older, But You

I Love To Sing, And I Love To Drink Scotch. Most People Would Rather Hear Me Drink Scotch.

People Ask Me What I'd Most Appreciate Getting For My Eighty-seventh Birthday. I Tell Them, A Paternity Suit.

With The Collapse Of Vaudeville New Talent Has No Place To Stink.

There Will Always Be A Battle Between The Sexes Because Men And Women Want Different Things. Men Want Women And Women Want Men.

Sex Can Be Fun After Eighty, After Ninety, And After Lunch!