You Can't Cheat An Honest Man.

Always Carry A Flagon Of Whiskey In Case Of Snakebite, And Furthermore Always Carry A Small Snake.

I Seldom Took A Drink On The Set Before 9 A.m.

W. C. Fields, A Lifetime Agnostic, Was Discovered Reading A Bible On His Deathbed. ''i'm Looking For A Loop-hole,'' He Explained.

Remember, A Dead Fish Can Float Downstream, But It Takes A Live One To Swim Upstream.

Back In My Rummy Days, I Would Tremble And Shake For Hours Upon Arising. It Was The Only Exercise I Got.