With Sex My Wife Thinks Twice Before

I've Been Writing Jokes Since I'm Fifteen. Not Out Of Happiness, But To Go To A Different Place, Because Reality Wasn't Good To Me.

Last Time I Tried To Make Love To My Wife Nothing Happened, So I Said To Her, 'what's The Matter, You Can't Think Of Anybody Either?'

Comedy Is A Camouflage For Depression.

I've Never Been Lucky. The Day My Ship Came In, I Was At The Airport.

When I Go To A Nude Beach, I Always Take A Ruler, Just In Case I Have To Prove Something.