There's Nothing Wrong With Stretching The Truth.

I Used To Write Things For Friends. There Was This Girl I Had A Crush On, And She Had A Teacher She Didn't Like At School. I Had A Real Crush On Her, So Almost Every Day I Would Write Her A Little Short Story Where She Would Kill Him In A Different Way.

I Have Two Last Pieces Of Advice. First, Being Pre-approved For A Credit Card Does Not Mean You Have To Apply For It. And Lastly, The Best Career Advice I Can Give You Is To Get Your Own Tv Show. It Pays Well, The Hours Are Good, And You Are Famous. And Eventually Some Very Nice People Will Give You A Doctorate In Fine Arts For Doing Jack Squat.

President Bush, Have A Hot Dog With Me.

Nothing Is More Vintage Than Dying Of Rubella.

And My Daughter Said, 'why Are You Yelling At Us?' And I Said, 'i'm Trying To Discipline You!' And Then She Looked Up At Me With Her Tear-stained Eyes And Said, 'this Is How You Teach Children, By Making Them Cry.' And It Was Such A Clenching Reminder - She Won Not Only The Argument, But She Won Life With That Statement. I Just Burst Out Laughing, And I Think They Were So Surprised That I Burst Out Laughing, That They Did Too.