The Real Reason Your Pro Tells You

I'm At An Age When My Back Goes Out More Than I Do.

You Know You're Old When Your Walker Has An Airbag.

Keep At Least One Window Pane Clean To Check The Weather. Once When I Didn't Do This I Sent The Kids Off With Umbrellas For Six Weeks Straight.

When I Was A Kid And We Used To Play Post Office, I Was The Dead Letter Office.

I Was The World's Ugliest Baby. When I Was Born, The Doctor Slapped Everybody.