She Didn't Need To Go To Acting

When Jack Benny Has A Party, You Not Only Bring Your Own Scotch, You Bring Your Own Rocks.

Yale Men Do Not Like To Be Told Anything By People Who Didn't Go To Yale. The Closest I Came To Yale Was Once I Had One Of Their Padlocks.

And God Said 'let There Be Satan, So People Don't Blame Everything On Me. And Let There Be Lawyers, So People Don't Blame Everything On Satan.'

Old Age Is When You Resent The Swimsuit Issue Of Sports Illustrated Because There Are Fewer Articles To Read.

When They Saw Me Walking Down The Street Smoking A Cigar, They'd Say, 'hey, That 14-year-old Kid May Be Going Places.' Of Course It's Also A Good Prop On The Stage ... When You Can't Think Of What You're Supposed To Say Next, You Can Puff On Your Cigar Until You Think Of Your Next Line.