Personally, I Never Drink On Oscar Nights,

A Photographer Kept Shooting Me Every Time I Swung. I Was Very Flattered Until I Found Out He Was From Field And Stream.

It Was A Great Honour To Be Inducted Into The Hall Of Fame. I Didn't Know They Had A Caddie Division.

I Have This Terrific Make-up Man. But He's Expensive. I Have To Bring Him In From Lourdes.

I Left England When I Was Four Because I Found Out I Could Never Be King.

On One Hole, I Hit An Alligator So Hard, He's Now My Golf Bag.