My Wife Has Teeth Like The Stars...

When I Was A Kid I Got No Respect. I Played Hide-and-seek. They Wouldn't Even Look For Me.

I Drink Too Much. The Last Time I Gave A Urine Sample It Had An Olive In It.

I Told My Doctor, "i've Swallowed A Bottle Of Sleeping Pills" And He Told Me To Have A Few Drinks And Get Some Rest.

Never Guess Your Wife's Size. Just Buy Anything Marked Petite And Hold On To The Receipt.

I Feel Sorry For Short People, You Know. When It Rains, They're The Last To Know.