I Drink Too Much. The Last Time

Comedy Is In My Blood. Too Bad It's Not In My Act.

I'm Tellin' Ya I Get No Respect. When I Was In Switzerland, I Got An Obscene Yodel.

I Can't Figure Women Out. They Put On Makeup For Three Hours. They Wear Things That Make Them Smaller. Things That Make Them Bigger. Then They Meet A Man And They Want Truth.

When I Was A Kid I Got No Respect. My Mother Breast Fed Me Through A Straw.

I'm Sitting On Top Of The World, And I've Got Hemorrhoids.