My Cousin Is Gay, I Always Tell

My Old Man Never Liked Me. He Gave Me My Allowance In Traveler's Checks.

I Drink Too Much. The Last Time I Gave A Urine Sample It Had An Olive In It.

My Kid Wants To Be A Prison Warden When He Grows Up So He Can Put Thumb Tacks On The Electric Chairs.

I Get No Respect. The Way My Luck Is Running, If I Was A Politician I Would Be Honest.

People Ask If I Can Get It Up In The Morning. I Tell Them Are You Kidding I'm Envious Of A Stiff Wind.