It Was A Tough Press Conference For

Them Bats Is Smart. They Use Radar!

Economists Believe There Are Three Reasons Why The Russian Economy Is Doing So Poorly. One, Economic Sanctions Are Working. Number Two, Low-price Oil. And Number Three, Lindsay Lohan Has Quit Drinking Vodka.

Nothing, Believe Me, Nothing Is More Satisfying To Me Personally Than Getting A Great Idea And Then Beatin' It To Death.

Hookers In Times Square, God Bless 'em, Are Offering A Mitt Romney Special. For An Extra $20 They'll Change Positions.

You Can't Eat Tomatoes Because They're Tainted With Deadly Salmonella. First There Was Tainted Lettuce. Now, Tainted Tomatoes. Who Would Have Thought That The Healthiest Part Of A B.l.t. Would Be The Bacon?