I'm Eighteen Years Behind In My Ironing.

You Know You're Old When Your Walker Has An Airbag.

My Husband Is So Useless That It's Hard For Me To Be Romantic With Him. I Get Down On The Floor And Say, If You Love Me, Blink Your Eyes.

I'm The Woman Who Used To Think That Middle-age Spread Was A Cocktail Dip.

I'm Beginning To Have Morning Sickness. I'm Not Having A Baby, I'm Just Sick Of Morning.

... If I Invested In A Mouthwash Stock, Bad Breath Would Suddenly Become Popular.