I'm A Joke Comic. I Tell Jokes.

There's A Fine Line Between Masturbating While You Look Out A Window, And Masturbating While You're Looking In A Window. I'll Give You A Hint: One Of 'em Is Super Illegal.

I Wanna Get A Little Drunk, But I Also Want Some Pancakes.

You Know What My Drink Is? Jack Daniel's. Yes, That Is A Wild Man Drink. That Should Come With Bail Money, You Know What I'm Saying? Because On Jack, You Don't Know Where You're Going To End Up, But You Know When You Get There, You Won't Be Wearing Any Pants.

I'm Not The Comic Of The Generation, I'm Not Even The Funniest Guy In My Family.

I Never Wanted To Be Famous.