If I Start Giving People What They

Thank Heaven Election Day Is Over. No More Campaign Ads, No More Mud-slinging, No More Candidates Pretending They're Straight. It's Over!

I Enjoy Bathing, As Many Europeans Don't.

I View My Own Body As A Petting Zoo. I Am The Main Attraction... And The Only Customer.

Anyway, If You Needed Something Really Dangerous, Get A Gun. It's Easy, It's Cheap, And It's The American Way.

I Think I'll Be Scottish In Every Movie I Write. They Always Try To Talk Me Out Of It, But Woody Allen Is Always A Nebbish New Yorker. Why Shouldn't I Be A Goofy Glaswegian?