I'd Rather Have Two Girls At 21

A Woman Drove Me To Drink And I Didn't Even Have The Decency To Thank Her.

I Think Of The Church Often. Not Because Religion Was Closing In On Me, But Because For A Long Time My Ass Was Sore From That Hard, Unupholstered Pew.

Trust Everybody, But Cut The Cards Yourself.

I Could Be Stranded In Any Town In The United States With Ten Cents And Within An Hour Make $20 With The Shell Game.

Always Carry A Flagon Of Whiskey In Case Of Snakebite, And Furthermore Always Carry A Small Snake.