I Would Show Up At A Party

If Someone Else Is Paying For It, Food Just Tastes A Lot Better.

I Predict One Of These Two Teams Will Win The Super Bowl.

There Are Certain Things I Don't Want To Joke About. If It's About Somebody Else, It's Fine. If It's About Me, I Think It's Totally Insensitive!

I Just Don't Accept Midgets As Human Beings. There's Only So Much Political Correctness I Can Accept.

I Always Felt Bad For Mother Teresa. Mother Teresa Lived A Whole Life Helping Starving Children And Dying Villages, But She Could Never Be Declared A Saint 'cause She Never Actually Performed A Miracle. And It Was Towards The End, She Was Desperate To Perform A Miracle, So She Would Go Up To Starving Children And Go, 'what's That Behind Your Ear? It's A Quarter!