I Only Do Two Things In My

I Was The Youngest In My Family. When The Other Kids Went To School, My Mother Would Make Them Breakfast And Then She Would Go Back To Bed For An Hour, So I Was Sort Of Babysat By Television.

Once I Was Gone For A Month And I Was Just Miserable, So I Flew Back From Florida For Two Hours Just To Be Home And See My Cats.

I Love Talking To The Audience, And I Must Be The Luckiest Performer In The World. I Always Land Something Or Somebody That Just Takes Off.

I'm The Only Person I Know Of Who's Ever Been Pulled Over For Attempted Speeding.

I Have Jokes I've Told Before And Will Tell Again, But My Favorite Part Of The Night Is Talking To The Crowd.