I'm The Only Person I Know Of

I'm Thankful For The Three Ounce Ziploc Bag, So That I Have Somewhere To Put My Savings.

I Only Do Two Things In My Life, And That's Take Care Of My Kids And Work. Fortunately, These Are My Favorite Things To Do, So It Works Out.

My Parents Got Carried Away With The Letter P When They Were Naming The Kids In Our Family. There's Me, Paula, My Sisters Peggy And Patty, And My Brother Pjimmy, Spelled With A Silent P.

My Mom Said She Learned How To Swim When Someone Took Her Out In The Lake And Threw Her Off The Boat. I Said, 'mom, They Weren't Trying To Teach You How To Swim.'

I Have Terrible Short-term Memory Loss, Which I Like To Think Of As Presidential Eligibility.