I Hope The Jews Did Kill Christ,

I Learned That People In Wheelchairs Are Allowed To Have Marathons … Which, To Me, Seems Like Cheating, But What Are You Gonna Say?

When You’re A Bed Wetter There’s Only One Group Of People You Can Feel Better Than, Bed Shitters, And Unfortunately They’re Hard To Come By.

People Are Always Introducing Me As Sarah Silverman, Jewish Comedienne. I Hate That! I Wish People Would See Me For Who I Really Am — I'm White!

When I Was Three, My Dad Thought It Would Be Hilarious To Teach Me Swear Words, Then Have Me Say Them To His Friends. They Would Laugh And Laugh. I Realize Now The Laugh Was Pure Shock Value, But It Felt Really Good, And I've Been Chasing It Ever Since.

I'm Doing Stuff On Kaballah And Scientology And A Little Bit More Racial Stuff, For Good Measure.