I Got An Ant Farm; Them Fellas

I Sometimes Close My Eyes During A Show Because I Have Drawn A Picture Of An Audience Enjoying The Show More On The Back Of My Eyelids.

Some Comics Get Drunk Before A Show. I Don't. When I Get Drunk, I Don't Want To Stand In Front Of A Bunch Of People That I Don't Know. That Does Not Sound Comfortable. Why Have All These People Gathered? And Why Am I Elevated And Not Facing The Same Way As Everyone Else? And What Is This Electric Stick In My Hand? I Want A Chair Too!

No, I Was Just Good At Holding Ice Cream Cones.

I Can't Eat Spaghetti. There's Too Many Of Them.

An Escalator Can Never Break: It Can Only Become Stairs.