I Don't Get No Respect. I Called

I'll Tell Ya, My Wife And I, We Don't Think Alike. She Donates Money To The Homeless, And I Donate Money To The Topless!

My Sex Life Is Terrible; My Wife Put A Mirror Over The Dog's Bed. Actually She Did Put A Mirror Over Our Bed. She Says She Likes To Watch Herself Laugh.

I Recently Had Double-bypass Surgery. As They Wheel You In, The Doctor Always Gives You A Last Look. You Know That Look. That Look Of Confidence To Make You Feel Good. I Always Say To Every Doctor, If I Don't Make It, I'll Never Know It.

I Told My Dentist I Want A Tooth To Match The Others. He Gave My One With Four Cavities.

Oh, When I Was A Kid In Show Business I Was Poor. I Used To Go To Orgies To Eat The Grapes.