Hey, Did Somebody Step On A Duck?

Last Halloween A Kid Tried To Rip My Face Off. He Thought It Was A Mask. Now It's Different When I Open The Door The Kids Hand Me Candy.

When I Was A Kid I Got No Respect. The Time I Was Kidnapped, And The Kidnappers Sent My Parents A Note They Said, "we Want Five Thousand Dollars Or You'll See Your Kid Again."

My Son's An Idiot. He Sprained His Ankle Playing Golf. He Fell Off The Ballwasher.

A Man In The Crowd Asks: Hey Rodney, How'd You Get Started? Rodney: I Was 12 Years Old, Alone In My Room, And I Got Started!

I'm Getting So Old My Insurance Company Sends Me 1/2 A Calendar!