All My Friends Are Dying. That's Why

When A Man Has A Birthday, He Takes A Day Off. When A Woman Has A Birthday, She Takes At Least Three Years Off.

If You Don't Think That All Life Is Improvisation, Then You Haven't Been Paying Attention. Life Is What Happens To You While You're Making Other Plans.

I Hate Housework! You Make The Beds, You Do The Dishes And Six Months Later You Have To Start All Over Again.

Elizabeth Taylor Was So Fat That Whenever She Went To London In A Red Dress, 30 Passengers Would Try To Board Her.

I Was Born In 1962, And The Room Next To Me Was 1963.