Actually, The Only Memory I Have Of

The Luge Is The Only Olympic Event Where You Could Have People Competing In It Against Their Will, And It Would Look Exactly The Same. Take People Off The Street, 'hey, Hey, Hey, What Is This?! I Don't Wanna Be In The Luge!' Once You Put That Helmet On Them, 'you're In The Luge, Buddy!' 'aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa... Aaaaaaaa...' World Record. Didn't Even Wanna Do It. I'd Like To See That Next Olympics, The Involuntary Luge.

They Seal The Subway Change-booth Guy Up Inside This Thing With Bullet-proof Glass, Closed In On All Sides, It's Like Some Kind Of Houdini Torture Tank Of Doom. How Do You Breathe In There? It Looks Like If You Put Your Hand Over The Change Slot, You Could Suffocate Him In Thirty Seconds.

I See Tv Ads About Detergents That Can Get Blood Stains Out Of Your Cloths. I Say If You Have Blood Stains On Your Cloths You Should Be Thinking About Something Other Than Laundry.

Kids Don't Say, "wait." They Say, "wait Up, Hey Wait Up!" Because When You're Little, Your Life Is Up. The Future Is Up. Everything You Want Is Up. "hold Up. Shut Up! Mum, I'll Clean Up. Let Me Stay Up!" Parents, Of Course, Are Just The Opposite. Everything Is Down. "just Calm Down. Slow Down. Come Down Here! Sit Down. Put... That... Down."

You Know You're Getting Old When You Get That One Candle On The Cake. It's Like, 'see If You Can Blow This Out.'