You'd Tell Me If We Were Getting

I'm Telling You, It's Fu**ing Hard To Be Classy

Sorry About Bender," Lula Said, Letting The Trans Am Idle At The Curb. "maybe We Could Tell Vinnie He Died. We Could Say We Were All Set To Bring Bender In, And He Died. Bang. Dead As A Doorknob." "better Yet, Why Don't We Just Go Back And Kill Him," I Said. I Opened The Door To Leave, Caught My Toe In The Floor Mat, And Fell Out Of The Car, Face First. I Rolled Onto My Back And Stared Up At The Stars. "i'm Fine," I Said To Lula. "maybe I'll Sleep Here Tonight.

It Was Dark And Raining, With Bad Visibility, But This Was Jersey, And We Don't Slow Down For Anything.

That’s How You Tell What A Man’s Really Made Of. It’s One Thing For A Man To Be Big And Brave And Kill A Spider. Any Man Could Do That. Trailin’ After A Woman When She’s Shopping For Thongs And Push-up Bras Is A Whole Other Category Of Man. And Then If You Want To See How Far You Can Go With It, You Ask Him To Carry One Of Those Little Pink Bags They Give You.

Ranger Is An Unusual Name," She Managed. "is It A Nickname?" It's A Street Name," Ranger Said. "i Was A Ranger In The Army." I Heard About Them Rangers On Tv," Grandma Said. "i Heard They Get Dogs Pregnant." My Father's Mouth Dropped Open And A Piece Of Ham Fell Out. My Mother Froze, Her Fork Poised In Midair. That's Sort Of A Joke," I Told Grandma. "rangers Don't Get Dogs Pregnant In Real Life." I Looked At Ranger For Corroboration And Got Another Smile.