You Know You're Old When Your Family

Comedy Is A Camouflage For Depression.

I Started Over Again With An Image: Nothing Goes Right. Then When The Godfather Came Out, All I Heard Was, Show Respect. With Me, You Show Respect. So I Changed The Image To I Don't Get No Respect. I Tried It Out In Greenwich Village. I Remember The First Joke I Told: Even As A Kid, I'd Play Hide And Seek And The Other Kids Wouldn't Even Look For Me. The People Laughed. After The Show, They Started Saying To Me, Me, Too - I Don't Get No Respect. I Figured, Let's Try It Again.

My Wife Has To Be The Worst Cook. I Don't Believe Meatloaf Should Glow In The Dark

I Had Plenty Of Pimples As A Kid. One Day I Fell Asleep In The Library. When I Woke Up, A Blind Man Was Reading My Face.

During Sex, My Girlfriend Always Wants To Talk To Me… Just The Other Night She Called Me From A Hotel.