You Know You Have A Drinking Problem

I Would Start A Revolution, But I Just Bought A Hammock.

Four Years Ago On This Very Day I Tried To Take My Own Life. And I Said, "zach, Do It In Front Of Your Co-workers And End The Misery." I Don't Know How Many Of You Ever Tried To Jump Off Of A Pizza Hut, But You'll Just Get A Sprained Ankle Out Of The Deal. Then You'll Have To Go Back Inside, And Serve Crazy Bread.

At What Age Do You Think It's Appropriate To Tell A Highway It's Adopted?

When You're Doing Standup You're Kind Of Doing, "hey. I Thought Of This. This May Be Funny.

I Call My Balls The Bush Twins.