You Can Only Do One Thing At

Personally, I Never Drink On Oscar Nights, As It Interferes With My Suffering.

As The Colonel And I Sat Swapping Stories In The Plane, A Jet Aircraft Buzzed Past Our Window. I Asked The Colonel What Type Of Aircraft It Was, And He Said, "don't Worry About It, Bob. . . If You Can See It, It's Obsolete."

Audiences Are My Best Friends. You Never Tire Of Talking With Your Best Friends.

I Was Called Rembrandt Hope In My Boxing Days, Because I Spent So Much Time On The Canvas.

I Was Lucky I Wasn't A Better Boxer, Or That's What I'd Be Now - A Punchy Ex-pug.