Women Are Like Parking Spots, The Best

I Love 'scrubs.' It's The Best Day Job In The World.

If God Wanted Women To Be Treated Equally To Men, He'd Have Given Them Penises.

When I Was Little I Always Wanted To Drive A Train. That, And Become A Baker.

I Was Excited About The Dark Knight Until Heath Ledger Gave Away The Ending, Batman Always Wins.

I Love The Holiday Season, Almost As Much As I Love Touching Myself In Front Of Orphans.