Who's Judging American Idol? Paula Abdul? Paula

Farrakhan Got Everybody Together For The Million Man March And Everything. But Farrakhan Don't Like The Jews. Which Is Bugged. I Get My Hair Cut On Dekalb Avenue. I Never Been In A Barbershop And Heard A Bunch Of Brothers Talking About Jews. Black People Don't Hate Jews. Black People Hate White People! We Don't Got Time To Dice White People Up Into Little Groups. I Hate Everybody! I Don't Care If You Just Got Here. "hey, I'm Romanian." "you Romanian Cracker!"

Gay People Got A Right To Be As Miserable As Everybody Else.

I Never Watched The Oscars. Come On, It's A Fashion Show . . . What Straight Black Man Sits There And Watches The Oscars? Show Me One. And They Don't Recognize Comedy, And You Don't See A Lot Of Black People Nominated, So Why Should I Watch It?

Daddy Pays For The Water, Daddy Pays For The Gas, Daddy Pays For The Electricity, And If Daddy Didn't Pay For The Electricity, He'd Pay For The Candle On Your Nightstand, So You Can Study For The Big Test Tomorrow.

The Thing I Try To Get Across To The Writers - And I Do A Lot Of Writing, Too - Is That When I Do Stand-up, Nothing I Talk About Is Funny. Everything Is Really Sad And Tragic And Then I Make It Funny.