Whenever I See An Autobiography For Sale

Yes" Actually Means "no" 100% Of The Time, When The Question Is "can I Give You Some Advice?

I Care About Politics, But I Have A Tough Time Making Comedy Out Of It. I Was So Happy To Have A Chance To Be On The Daily Show, And I Think Jon Stewart's So Funny... But Mostly In My Own Comedy, I Care About Less Relevant Things.

I Am A Comedian But It's Usually Not A Compliment To Be Called A Prop Comedian But I Guess I Sometimes Use Props. And I Always Confuse Humorist With Comedian. That's Strange.

I Used To Play Sports. Then I Realized You Can Buy Trophies. Now I Am Good At Everything.

A Large Portion Of The Earth's Land Area Is Taken Up By Old Varsity Jackets.