When You're Lecturing Teenagers And They Begin

Why Would Anyone Steal A Shopping Cart? It's Like Stealing A Two-year-old.

My Mother Phones Daily To Ask, "did You Just Try To Reach Me?" When I Reply No, She Adds, "so, If You're Not Too Busy, Call Me While I'm Still Alive," . . . And Hangs Up.

If God Had Meant Us To Walk Around Naked, He Would Never Have Invented The Wicker Chair.

You Have To Love A Nation That Celebrates Its Independence Every July 4, Not With A Parade Of Guns, Tanks, And Soldiers Who File By The White House In A Show Of Strength And Muscle, But With Family Picnics Where Kids Throw Frisbees, The Potato Salad Gets Iffy, And The Flies Die From Happiness. You May Think You Have Overeaten, But It Is Patriotism.

After Age Twelve, Birthdays Should Be As Private As Hernia Surgery.