When I Sat Down To Write I

The Mistakes That I Made I Made Because I Drank Too Much. I Don't Think That's Going To Happen Any More. Am I Going To Make Mistakes As A Parent? Sadly, Every Day. I'm Looking Around For The Perfect Parent And I Haven't Seen One Yet.

When A Woman Extends Her Hand For You To Shake It, Then You Shake Her Hand. You Do Not Turn It Up And Kiss It. And It Is Just So Creepy. Because, You Know, I Handed It At This Angle. I Handed It At The Handshake Angle And So I'm Not Giving It To You To Do Whatever You Want With It. I'm Not Loaning It To You. It's Like If Somebody Borrowed Your Lawnmower And You're Assuming They're Going To Use It To Mow Their Lawn. You Don't Want To Find Out Later They Put It In The Ocean!

I Only Do Two Things In My Life, And That's Take Care Of My Kids And Work. Fortunately, These Are My Favorite Things To Do, So It Works Out.

I Was The Youngest In My Family. When The Other Kids Went To School, My Mother Would Make Them Breakfast And Then She Would Go Back To Bed For An Hour, So I Was Sort Of Babysat By Television.

I'm Thankful For Sarah Palin's Vice Presidential Bid, Which Taught Us That Alaska Is Not In A Box Off The Coast Of California.