When Another Comedian Has A Lousy Show,

Modesty Is My Best Quality.

I Don't Deserve This Award, But I Have Arthritis And I Don't Deserve That Either.

It's Not So Much Knowing When To Speak, When To Pause.

Try To Save Something While Your Salary Is Small; It's Impossible To Save After You Begin To Earn More.

I'm An Old Newspaper-man Myself, But I Quit Because I Found There Was No Money In Old Newspapers.