Tonight The Republican Presidential Candidates Had A

Another Air Traffic Controller Fell Asleep On The Job, But He Had A Good Excuse. He Was Watching President Obama’s Deficit Speech.

Actually, You Know Who Gave The Shortest Inauguration Speech In History? George Washington. It Was Only Like Three Minutes Long. Well, Sure. George Washington Couldn't Tell A Lie.

The Secret Service Has Announced It Is Doubling Its Protection For John Kerry. You Can Understand Why - With Two Positions On Every Issue, He Has Twice As Many People Mad At Him.

Arnold Schwarzenegger Announced That He Is Going To Run For Governor On Our Program Last Night. My Staff Didn't Know, Arnold's Staff Didn't Know, I Was Shocked As Everyone Else. If He Doesn't Get Elected Governor, Maybe He Should Work For The Cia. I Mean, He Can Keep A Secret Better Than They Can.

U.n. Weapons Inspectors Found Empty Chemical Warheads In Iraq. So, The Question Everyone Is Asking Now Is How Did Sean Penn Miss This?