They Used To Beat Me Up After

I'm Quitting The Business Today. I'm Going To Open Up An Appliance Store, I've Always Really Been Into Toasters. I'm Giving It All Up.

I Grew Up Very Self-loathing. I Was A Phobic. I Had Anxiety. I Had Panic Attacks.

That Myspace Is The Story Of The Year. Everyone But My Mother Is On It.

I Love Hecklers. They Remind You That You Are A Comedian.

I Once Overheard The Sweetest Old Woman Behind Me On A Train Tell Her Adorable Old Husband As He Scoffed Down A Ham Sandwich She Had Brought Along, "if You Ever Yell At Me To "stop Bringing A Ham Sandwich With Me Every Where We Go" Again? Next Time I'm Bringing A Gun. And I'm Blowing Your God Damn Head Off."