There's No Such Thing As A Tough

I Spent Half My Money On Gambling, Alcohol And Wild Women. The Other Half I Wasted.

I've Been Barbecued, Stewed, Screwed, Tattooed, And Fried By People Claiming To Be My Friends. The Human Race Has Gone Backward, Not Forward, Since The Days We Were Apes Swinging Through The Trees.

A Comic Should Suffer As Much Over A Single Line As A Man With A Hernia Would In Picking Up A Heavy Barbell.

I Never Smoked A Cigar In My Life Until I Was Nine

If There's A Will, Prosperity Can't Be Far Behind.