The Reason I'm Not An Alcoholic Is

Do Not Taste Food While You're Cooking. You May Lose Your Nerve To Serve It.

A Stand-up Comic Is Judged By Every Line. Singers Get Applause At The End Of Their Song No Matter How Bad They Are.

Absolutely Nothing Was Happening In My Marriage. I Nicknamed My Waterbed, Lake Placid!

There's So Little Money In My Bank Account, My Scenic Checks Show A Ghetto.

When You Hire A Person To Plan Your Wedding, This Does Not Include Securing The Groom. Plan To Get Married On Friday The 13th. In Years To Come This Will Make It Much Easier To Explain Why Things Turned Out Badly. To Look Beautiful At Your Wedding, Take Time To Plan It. It Took Me A Long Time To Find Two Ugly Bridesmaids And A Frumpy Little Flower Girl.